When Your 'Enough' is Not Good Enough

Hayley Barkla
Oct 21, 2021
6 min read

Updated: Oct 21, 2021

The age-old questions of self-love!

How come I feel like I’m never enough?

How can I love myself?

How can I love myself… more?

Jump ahead to 10 Steps to Becoming Enough for You (click)

Recently, I flicked over a journal entry from a year ago. Life was pretty sweet then, nothing to complain about. I was making moves to start my own business and covid had given me a nice hiatus at home. Outwardly, happy and humble.

But that’s nothing to suggest of what can be going on inside our minds and hearts. It may be fleeting – the self-doubt popping in for an hour or a day to wreak havoc – or it can be a fixated tumour that won’t leave our perception of self no matter how hard we try. Layered in the trifle, no matter how much ‘work’ we do on ourselves, there’s still those spots which are too dry or have too much jelly and not enough custard. The balance is out and it’s not pleasing for the palette.

Mirror Mirror

I share this snippet with you today as I feel it’s important to show the vulnerability and insanity we can ALL feel at times. To remove any illusion that so and so always has their shit together. I promise you, so and so doesn’t!

This was prompted by a course I was taking with the outstanding Alicia Power, where I was to write on a trigger sentence about not being able to feel my heart due to the overwhelm of life. I’m sure a condition many can align with at this current point in time.

So here goes…

When this happens, I lose strength. Sanity omits itself from my consciousness and I become a manic mess.

When this occurs, I cannot see myself in my truest union with soul. It is like I have abandoned ship and for that moment in time, I feel like the world around me has fallen away and I stand alone on an island of hatred – self-hatred.

I cannot honestly move. My heart holds me silenced and still, and I feel judged by myself. THAT I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

That I quibble about the smallest things and still cannot open the door to my own heart to find the harmony. That I shelter under the pretence of faith yet do nothing of the sort to relieve my pain. I do not hold myself in good esteem. I walk only to the depths of the shallowest waters and then retreat from feeling what is truly at play.

The power my heart has over my soul is vast BUT I DO NOT LET IT LEAD ME. I STRUGGLE TO CONNECT AND FEEL THE POWER REFLECTED UPON ME AND I DISCERN POORLY.

The Epidemic of Not Good Enough

The not good enough epidemic is non-selective. It touches all ages, genders, shapes, and sizes. For those touched with a case of the not good enoughs, there is no mask big enough to cover up your pain and self-criticism. You can hide from others to an extent, but when the mask comes off in the privacy of your own homes, please know there are hordes of people across the world feeling equally lost, equally depleted, equally dissatisfied.

Over 970 million people globally are affected by mental health or substance use disorders, approximately 1 in 5 Australian and US citizens. Look around… every fifth person you walk by is feeling far less than satisfied with life.

What is Self-Love?

According to the Brain and Behaviour Research Foundation, self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

Why do so many of us have an internal battlefield at play when it comes to appreciating ourselves, our skills, and our substance?

TIME TO PONDER Love of Thy Self

(Channeled message from The Universe)

The power of self-love and self-proclamation is an undeniable force on your planet. The NEED FOR SELF ACCEPTANCE AND HONOUR is pivotal to creation. It is not that you cannot live without SELF-LOVE, you can, and you certainly do. The planet is rife with unawakened beings that toil along without a love in, nor for, the world. They are self-absorbed at one extreme and in self-denial at the other.

There is GREAT URGENCY UPON YOU ALL TO FIND BALANCE AND PEACE IN SELF-LOVE.

It is said that should a man walk this world without self-love he will feed only the fortress of hatred. In denial of self, the wolves herd around the dormant life of the liver and have a feast on his soul.

The denial of your righteous place on the planet as your true worth is a criminal offence in the planes of the spiritual.

You all have the capability within you to deliver a great, vast expression of love and power. That is your birthright. To be here to give love to yourself and all others – animal, mineral, physical. What has occurred on your planet is a monstrosity of self-doubt. Where you have been hammered with the knowledge that each individual is unequally equipped. That you all have competitive weakness. That each person does not offer an authentic opportunity to give to their fellow man. What you have all created is a bloody mess!

And so, you seem to find self-sacrifice a charm and wander in this world of pain as if it were a badge of honour.

So, darlings, so, so wrong is your perception of life.

Life should be full and beaming with love and prosperity. It should not fall to the wayside in place of a slave driven mentality of sacrifice for the common goal. And we ask – what ‘good’ is that common goal? Working like a slave? Seeing your children raised by establishments? Dining alone? Sleeping seldom?

Where has the self-love gone?...

It is time NOW to make change. To re-establish the goal posts. To find a moment to understand that ALL this – all the chaotic creation – is not worth an ounce of creation out of poised love.

We ask you today to sit and reflect on where your driving force is fed from? Is it your mind or your heart? Is it your fear or your fabulousness?

It is time to re-imagine how you live in the world as a collective community.

Do not shy away from change. Do not leap into the lion’s den without first leaping out into the safety of truth?

Do not find yourself moping in the shores of smallness.

See yourselves as we do.

Mighty. Strong. Resilient. Proud. Powerful. Peaceful.

Re-evaluate the driving force of your creation.

If you were to die today, would you be happy with your masterpiece? If not, pick up the brush and start again.

"Art is never finished, only abandoned." ― Leonardo da Vinci

10 Steps to Becoming Enough for You

Ease into a calmness that you are not alone in holding self-critical beliefs but likewise, don’t bond over in a mindset of misery.
Concede these feelings are not concrete. They CAN and WILL leave when you’re ready to let them go.
Learn discernment. It is crucial in appraising the self and opinions of others. Not everyone’s view is helpful, correct, or untainted by their own beliefs.
Respect your view of self as the one that matters most, hence the need for Step 3.
Re-evaluate how you feel within 2-3 chosen aspects of your life. Start small and build up to all aspects over time, such as relationships, career, spirituality, living environment, family, education, adventure, children, philanthropy, physicality. Ask yourself questions in relation to these aspects: Am I being my true self? Does it bring me joy? Am I being valued? Why don’t I feel enough? Do I compare myself to others? If I didn’t, would I be happy? What am I missing out on? Who am I putting first? Why? Why? Why?
Review your answers and take actions to feel a little better about yourself in these situations alone. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Little steps. Little acknowledgements. Little wins.
Discover your bravery. Take of your mask. If only for a day. If only for a certain friend. If only for yourself. Share your desires. Live a bit bigger in every moment.
Accept you’ll have dips but don’t treat them as avalanches.
Stop and sense into how the outcome feels with each positive action. Write it down. Draw it down. You might need a reminder of that buzz when there’s a dip.
Keep going. There shall always be moments of self-doubt. But when it’s moments and not your constant, you can recognise these as points of expansion in your life and be grateful for the feeling.

Self-love does not spring out of neglect and ignorance. It flows from the value you place on yourself and your contribution to your own life. Feeling better about yourself takes commitment. Here are the final journaled sentences I wrote that day. Feel free to borrow them as you find your good enough.

I CAN NO LONGER HIDE IN MY MIND. IT IS TIME TO STEP OUT OF THIS CONFINED ARENA AND ALLOW MY HEART THE PURE JOY OF SELF-OWNERSHIP. MY TIME HAS COME TO STAND IN THE SUN AND BASK IN THE GLORY OF LIFE.